|
I
watched an old exploitation movie last night. Let's see if you can guess it.
Two guys and a hot girl plotting a kidnapping: check.
Victim is a sweet innocent schoolgirl from a rich family: check.
Plan to ransom her for million dollar payoff goes awry: check.
Three different interludes of Hot Lesbian Action: SURPRISE!
Yes, I could hardly believe it myself. What I picked up on blind impulse
because of a groovy title and a Cannon Films pedigree turned out to be a
full-on ripoff of THE CANDY SNATCHERS! And it rocked. Mind you, for all the
wrong reasons: the acting is terrible, the dialogue clanks, the lead actress
looks about as much a teenager as Angelyne does, the music is the kind of
cheese not even Wallace & Gromit could stomach, the plot is beyond
contrived...and as it galls me to admit to this base and vulgar aspect of my
libido, the lesbian love scenes are the best parts of the movie!
LITTLE GIRL...BIG TEASE is from 1977, and was written and directed by a guy
whose only other credit is a 2002 documentary on autism. I would be willing
to entertain the notion that the story theft was unintentional - after all,
it was the era of Patty Hearst - if it weren't for the fact that the original
shooting title was SNATCHED. That, along with the structural similarities,
are just too close for comfort. However, this film takes a substantial detour
from THE CANDY SNATCHERS in its one significant plot twist: bratty Virginia,
the kidnap victim (Virginia, get it!), seems to be increasingly
enjoying her circumstance. While she does have her maidenhood stolen by one
of the brutish men, she later takes on the infuriating-to-ludicrous mindset
that she brought it on herself, and ultimately kinda dug it. Not that she'll
go back for more from that lummox: she's now zeroing in on the woman of the
gang, who apparently was her home ec teacher before turning to crime. And so,
Virginia eventually gets to two-backed beasting with everyone in the
luxurious house they hide out in, until by the time the film reaches it's
(no, Marc, please, don't go for that pun) climax (dammit, I asked you not
to!), she's begging the kidnappers to take her with them! This is the kind of
rape fantasy bullshit that would drawing massive protests if one, anyone knew
this movie existed, which they don't, and two, if it weren't so laughably
executed.
This is pre-Golan/Globus Cannon fodder, back when the company was located on
the East Coast and did quick sexploitation (GAS PUMP GIRLS, THE HAPPY
HOOKER), horror (SAVAGE WEEKEND, NEW YEARS' EVIL) and the occasional arsty
outing (JOE, WHO KILLED MARY WHAT'S 'ER NAME). Most of the film takes place
entirely in the kidnap house, signaling that this was likely a family and
friends affair. And there are enough moans, groans, and quick edits to
suggest despite its R rating this may have been intended as a quasi-porn
film. The actress playing the rogue teacher, Rebecca Brooke, appeared in both
soft and hardcore films, including Radley Metzger's THE IMAGE, sometimes
under the name Mary Mendum or Veronica Parrish. No one else in the cast
appears to have had any career outside of this film. Beyond them, however, it
does boast João Fernandes as cinematographer, who would go on to shoot many
Chuck Norris outings, and Robert F. Colesberry as associate producer, who
until his death worked on many N.Y.-based film and TV projects, and even
acted on HBO's "THE WIRE".
The old Paragon tape is quite rare, at least it hasn't popped up on eBay
recently, and there isn't much in the way of reviews available on it. Anyone
out there who can add some more information on this lost outing?
Marc
Edward Heuck
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
|
